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Grief isn’t just an emotion—it’s something we feel throughout our body, especially in our heart. Whether you've lost someone you love, experienced a major life change like a move or job loss, or endured heartache of any kind, grief can impact your physical body in ways you might not expect.
Exactly 12 years ago, I lost my father. While his physical loss was something I could have never prepared for, I had several emotional losses along the way. My dad was a dear man, forever compassionate and warm. However, he also had a side that was sad, dark, and traumatized. Throughout our relationship there were several time periods where he was emotionally unavailable. Each of those little "abandonments" caused grief and a precipitous stress response within me. I remember my heart felt like it was ripping in two; one part was dying a little death of innocence and the other was holding hope that next time it would be different.
Many people talk about feeling a “broken heart.” Grief often triggers a stress response, which can cause inflammation in the heart, lungs, digestive system, rib cage muscles, and diaphragm. Taking care of yourself during these times can reduce the intensity and duration of the grief process and stress on the body. However, it can be hard to know how to do this when grief naturally confuses our state of mind and heightens emotions and unfamiliar sensations in the body. My hope with this article is bring some clarity around how to go and grow through grief in a healthy way.
Losing my dad felt lonely. Not only because he was no longer here, but because there were not many others around me at the time that could understand the complexity of the grief of I was going through. It was another deep pain, on top of a gaping wound that has yet to fully seal. I found myself retreating, hiding away from others.
While it’s normal to feel isolated when grieving, withdrawing from connections can actually heighten stress. Once I began healing, I recognized the importance of having a support system. We will also explore the positive impact of having a support network of trustworthy people.
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The Physical Experience of Grief
Grief as More Than an Emotion
Grief is not just a feeling—it affects our bodies, especially our heart. Research shows that intense grief can lead to stress cardiomyopathy, a condition that mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. This includes chest tightness, pain around the heart, and difficulty breathing. The term “broken heart” is more than just a metaphor; it’s a very real physical response.
The Mind-Body Connection
Grief activates the body’s stress response, also known as the “fight-or-flight” response. When we’re grieving, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, increasing our heart rate, raising our blood pressure, and causing other physiological changes. These hormones are meant to help us deal with danger, but when they’re triggered by emotional pain, they can affect our cardiovascular health over time.
The Heart Across Cultures
Across cultures, the heart is often viewed as the seat of emotions. In Ancient Egypt, it was the moral compass, while in Ancient Greece, it symbolized emotion and intelligence. In Hinduism, the heart chakra is the center of love and compassion, and in Chinese medicine, the heart houses the spirit. Even in modern Western culture, the heart remains a powerful metaphor for emotional experience.
Healing the Heart During Grief
Normalizing the Experience
Feeling heartache during grief is a common and natural human experience. Many people feel the same intense sorrow, especially when they lose someone or something meaningful. By recognizing that these feelings are normal, we can begin to reduce feelings of shame or guilt, allowing healing to start.
Healthy Coping Strategies
1. Acknowledge and Accept the Grief
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with grief, whether they’re sadness, anger, or confusion. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and releasing expectations about how you “should” feel can be freeing. Just feel your feelings!
2. Seek Support
Talking to someone you trust or a therapist can be incredibly healing. Grief counseling or joining a support group can help you process your emotions and connect with others who understand your pain. Don't wait until you are too deep in the throws of grief to reach out. Surround yourself with people who understand (at least a little) what you are going through ASAP.
3. Express Your Emotions
Journaling or engaging in creative outlets like art or music can help you channel your grief in constructive ways. Nothing you create has to be museum worthy. It only needs to come from your heart. Remember there is a difference between creating to process and creating for an outcome.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Grief is exhausting, and healing takes time. Avoid self-criticism if you don’t “move on” as quickly as you think you should. There is no timeline on grief.
5. Maintain Routine and Structure
Even simple routines, like taking a walk or preparing a healthy meal, can provide stability when everything feels chaotic.
6. Honor the Loss
Creating rituals, whether lighting a candle or celebrating anniversaries, can help you honor your loved one’s memory.
7. Engage in Physical Self-Care
Gentle movement, whether it’s a walk or a stretch, can be an excellent way to support both your heart health and emotional release during grief. Physical activity helps manage the stress hormones that grief triggers.
8. Seek Meaning
For some, spiritual practices or engaging in meaningful activities can bring comfort and a sense of purpose during grief.
9. Allow Yourself to Grow
Healing is not linear, and it’s normal to experience setbacks. Over time, you’ll recognize the resilience and strength you’ve developed through the grieving process.
10. Seek Professional Help if Needed
If grief becomes prolonged or feels insurmountable, seeking professional help can guide you through healing.
Emotional Regulation
Breathing exercises, mindfulness, and body awareness can help ease the physical effects of grief. Learning to regulate your emotions through these practices can also help you navigate your grief more effectively. There are loads of resources on YouTube and Insight Timer that are free and easy. This meditation may be particularly helpful.
Seeking Social Support
Connection is essential during grief. Reaching out to friends, family, or support groups can help regulate both your emotional and physical responses. Isolation can make heartache worse, so don’t hesitate to lean on your community for support.
Grief is a holistic experience that impacts both your mind and body, particularly your heart. Recognizing this profound connection can help you take the first steps toward healing. If you’re struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional, counselor, or grief support group. Healing your heart takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone.
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